What Does Grief Feel Like?
Grief is a profoundly personal journey, and it is often described using metaphors that aim to capture the complex experience of grief. Some might say that grief is like a dark cloud over your head that you feel but maybe others do not see, being homesick for a place you can’t go back to, living in a fog, or getting tossed around in an ocean of unpredictable waves.
It can be a landscape of shifting emotions, where you might feel a strong emotion one moment and something completely different the next. You may have days filled with tears over what was lost, days when cherished memories bring comfort, or perhaps days where you feel almost nothing at all. There’s no guidebook for grief, no “right” way to navigate it, and no fixed timeline. However, many people share common emotional, physical, cognitive, and behavioral experiences of what grief can feel like.
Emotional Experiences:
Sadness: This is often what people first think of with grief, and many feel a deep ache or emptiness, accompanied by tears that reflect the pain of the loss.
Anger: You might feel angry at the person you lost, yourself, the situation, others who are grieving differently or do not understand, or even at God for why the loss occurred.
Guilt: It's common to replay things in your mind and think "what if" or feel guilty about things you did or didn't say. Many may even blame themselves for the loss, asking “What if there was something I could have done?".
Denial: In the beginning, it can be hard to believe the loss is real. You might feel numb or like you're in a daze.
Depression: Grief may be followed by a prolonged and deep sadness that can make it difficult to find joy and lead to feelings of hopelessness and isolation.
Anxiety: Grief can trigger feelings of worry, fear, and even panic, making the world feel less safe.
Numbness: Sometimes, especially right after a loss, you might feel emotionally numb, like you can't feel anything at all.
Relief: In some situations, especially after a long illness, you might experience a sense of relief that the person is no longer suffering. This is a normal feeling and doesn't mean you didn't love them.
Physical Sensations:
Fatigue: You might feel incredibly tired, even with adequate rest.
Changes in sleep: You might have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, or you might sleep much more than usual. It is also common to have vivid dreams about the person you lost or about the subject and circumstances of the loss.
Changes in appetite: Some people lose their appetite and report an empty feeling in their stomach, while others might find comfort in overeating as a means of coping.
Physical aches and pains: Headaches, stomach problems, muscle tension, and a heavy feeling in your chest are all common.
Weakened immune system: Stress from grief can make you more susceptible to illness.
Changes in Thoughts and Behaviors:
Difficulty concentrating: You might find it hard to focus on tasks, complete tasks, remember things, or feel restless.
Preoccupation with the loss: You might think about the person who died constantly, assume the mannerisms or traits of a loved one, or need to tell and retell experiences of the loved one or the loss.
Withdrawal from others: You might want to be alone more and avoid social situations. This can even be related to not wanting to overwhelm others by talking frequently about the loss or feeling as though others do not understand your grief.
Irritability: You might find yourself more easily frustrated or short-tempered and feel that your mood changes over slight events.
Avoidance of reminders: You might try to avoid places, people, or things that remind you of your loved one, or conversely, you might seek them out and find comfort in them.
Searching behaviors: Sometimes, especially early on, people might have a sense that their loved one is still around. You may feel the presence of a loved one and find yourself expecting to hear their voice, see their face again, or have them return.
You Are Not Alone.
If you are experiencing any of these impacts, know that you are not alone. Grief may feel like an intense and unpredictable rollercoaster, waves that ebb and flow gently or rapidly, or a gaping hole that you can’t close up or shrink in size. It can even feel like all of these metaphors at various times! Your experience of grief will be unique to you and may differ from those around you, but your grief is valid and understandable for the pain you have experienced.
If the weight of grief feels overwhelming, we are here for you. Reach out to schedule a consultation for grief counseling today!
