6 Common Misconceptions About Anger
When I think of anger, my mind wanders to images of the Hulk ripping out of his shirt or the little red guy in Disney’s “Inside Out.” Intensity, aggression, and loud gestures. People tend to equate danger to this emotion, often for good reasons. Anger, or wrath, is one of the 7 deadly sins! However, while anger can have a scary side, it isn’t built into our bodies to hurt others. It’s a powerful emotion fashioned by millions of years of evolution that moves us to fight off threats, compete for resources, and enforce social norms. Anger conveys that things are not ok, and that they need reparation. Unfortunately, this misconception of anger has led to several myths, which I’ll discuss:
1. Anger is bad.
Anger is a normal and healthy emotion that can influence positive change! It is not inherently bad. Imagine if Martin Luther King, Jr. never felt angry? We’d be living in a pathologically unjust world!
2. Anger is a masculine emotion.
Several studies support that men and women experience the same amount of anger, though they typically express it differently. One study, by researchers at Missouri State University who surveyed 200 men and women, suggested that women were as angry and acted on their anger as frequently as men. However, men tend to be more overt with gestures of aggression and impulsivity, while women tend to express anger in more controlled and indirect ways, such as making subtle criticisms or deliberately ignoring someone’s requests or needs. Another study by Ruben and Raquel Gur at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine, found that while the amygdala (part of the brain that regulates emotions such as anger) is of similar size for men and women, women have a much larger orbital frontal cortex, which is involved in controlling aggressive impulses. This may shine light on the perceived difference between anger in men and women.
3. Anger is all in your head.
Anger is in both the mind and the body. When we perceive an event that is not just, our brains release hormones that cause changes in our cardiovascular, respiratory, and other bodily systems. The mind and body are intimately connected, and anger activates from how we interpret a situation, as well as how our body chemistry mobilizes systems to face it.
4. Anger will go away if you ignore it.
Many of us tend to push anger away. We might cover up our anger with a smile (suppress) or make it disappear from our awareness (repress) because our experiences taught us that getting angry brings more destruction than resolution. Unfortunately, denying our angry feelings leads to several problems, including the perpetuation of unhealthy relationships that hurt our mental health, as well as a myriad of physical health issue (e.g., digestive problems, muscle tension).
5. Venting your anger diffuses it.
Whether we’re venting to a friend or flipping tables, research shows that this doesn’t release anger. In fact, a 2020 study by Jesse Cougle at Florida State University shows that venting, or expressing strong negative emotions like anger by talking about it excessively, has the opposite effect and hurts our mental health. Venting tends to make us feel worse. Rather, techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, and meditation help to manage our anger.
6. Anger is Aggression.
Anger is a healthy emotion. It can be understood as a consultant that helps us know when we’re treated unfairly and moves us to correct these interactions. Aggression is an unhealthy behavior, and only one of several behaviors that can express anger. It is important to understand that while we are not responsible for how others make us feel, we are always responsible for our behaviors that follow.
Help for Managing Anger
If expressing anger in a healthy way is a struggle, here are some considerations and treatment options that could help!
Anger management
Anger management is a program that involves learning skills and strategies to control the escalation of anger. It can also teach assertiveness skills that help one to express anger in a confident way, rather than passively or aggressively.
Psychotherapy
Working with a professional therapist creates a space for a customized treatment approach where triggers in your environment can be explored, emotional regulation skills can be developed, and a safe place to process painful early experiences that might contribute to your present reactivity.
Medical Evaluation
Sometimes our anger and compulsivity can stem from hormone imbalances and other health issues. Speaking to a doctor could help identify any potential biological problems influencing your anger.
Psychiatric Evaluation
If this season of life is putting more strain on your nervous system and affects your ability to function, considering medical help from a psychiatrist could lighten your emotional burden and bring peace and perspective back into your life.
Mindfulness
The practice of being aware of the present moment, without judgement, strengthens a part of the brain that helps us maintain perspective when triggered. When we practice mindfulness (e.g., focusing only on our breathing for 2 minutes every day), we gain the ability to choose healthy responses to injustice when overwhelmed.
Learn more about how emotionally focused therapy can help you, or you can contact us today to get started.
