How Avoidant Attachment Style Affects Relationships
Attachment styles play an extremely important role throughout our lives. As children, we form certain attachments to our primary caregivers. These attachments often follow us throughout our lives, and they play roles in how we connect to others. One of these attachment styles is known as avoidance. Individuals with avoidant attachment often struggle with finding and maintaining romantic relationships, making it difficult to find genuine connections.
What is Avoidant Attachment?
Avoidant attachment typically develops in childhood in response to emotionally unavailable parents. This may look like dismissing a child's needs, inconsistency with how they respond to a child's emotions, or ignoring the child completely. As a result, children learn to suppress their thoughts and feelings and become self-reliant.
People with avoidance tendencies are uncomfortable with emotional closeness, and may struggle to express their needs in relationships. They value self-sufficiency and independence, and tend to pull away from those who challenge these beliefs.
The Impact of Avoidance on Relationships
1. Fear of Intimacy
While avoidant individuals may crave closeness, they often lack the vulnerability required to build this intimacy. The fear of opening up to someone stems from the dismissal of their parents. They may struggle to engage in deep conversations and express emotions, resulting in them pulling away from their partner.
Keeping your partner at a physical and emotional distance can leave your partner feeling unloved and unappreciated. It causes tension between the pair, and will result in an increase of conflicts.
2. Difficulty with Emotional Expression
Even when they deeply care about their partner, an avoidant person has a difficult time expressing how they feel. The idea that expressing emotions is a sign of weakness was something that was pushed on them as children. They learned to handle their feelings on their own. Because of this, an avoidant person may come across as cold, indifferent, or unresponsive.
Dealing with the lack of communication from an avoidant partner may cause the other person to feel insecure. They may be unable to ask for reassurance from their avoidant partner, straining the quality of the relationship.
3. Pushing Others Away
Avoidant individuals push others away when they feel overwhelmed by closeness. This is a defense mechanism to protect themselves from the potential pain of rejection or disappointment. They may withdraw emotionally, avoid their partner, or even end the relationship to maintain their sense of independence.
This push-pull dynamic can make others feel overwhelmed. They may feel they are being rejected or that their avoidant partner is not fully committed to the relationship.
4. High Value on Independence
Independence is a core value for the avoidant individual. They often prioritize their personal goals, interests, and freedom over the needs of the relationship. While independence is a healthy trait, it can also create challenges in relationships when it comes to compromises, mutual support, or shared responsibilities.
With a lack of cooperation and mutual support, it's difficult to form a strong, lasting relationship. Romantic partners will be hard to maintain, and the avoidant individual may start to isolate or withdraw from social situations altogether.
Navigating Relationships with Avoidant Attachment
While avoidant attachment can cause challenges in relationships, there are ways to successfully navigate romantic connections. How?
Self-Awareness: Begin with recognizing the behaviors and beliefs that contribute to relationship difficulties. This helps with identifying fears and triggers, and taking steps toward change.
Communication: Partners should work on vocalizing wants, needs, and expectations in relationships. As an avoidant individual, you want to work on expressing how you're feeling, even if it's difficult.
Gradual Steps Towards Intimacy: Intimacy can feel intimating, however, it is important for the success of romantic relationships. Take it slow, and work on building trust and comfort over time.
Seek Professional Help: Couples therapy can be a valuable resource for individuals to explore childhood experiences, and how to overcome fears of rejection or abandonment. Take it at a manageable pace, and celebrate the small victories along the way!
