What Is Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT)?

The Dance

Imagine a beautiful dance between your emotions, your view of yourself, and the way you interact with others. Maybe the beat of the drums changed but the steps no longer match. The rhythm is off. It’s causing some confusion to your mind and body. Your thoughts and emotions are not coming out the way you would like. You are getting stuck, and you want to get back in step. Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT) looks at this dance, and sorts out the music and the moves that may not be in sync. This dysregulation could have come from trauma, grief and loss, or any other emotional wound. How do we get our steps and music to align? We find the underlying emotional detachment. 

The Cycle

EFIT evolved from a therapeutic approach for couples called Emotionally Focused Therapy, which organizes how we all get stuck in cycles of miscommunication and misunderstanding from time to time, with both ourselves and the important people in our lives.

As humans, we have an innate desire to be loved and to feel a sense of belonging. Dr Sue Johnson, founder of EFT and EFIT stated, “Being the ‘best you can be’ is really only possible when you are deeply connected to another. Splendid isolation is for planets, not people” (2013). Attachment is the roadmap to tell us what we need and, when secure, these connections are calming to our nervous system. However, this attachment need sometimes becomes anxious based on our life experiences.

John Bowlby, the father of attachment theory, studied the effects of bonding and what that looks like in children. Experiences in childhood, paired with how the brain develops, shape how we respond to emotions and teach us emotional patterns that can translate into behaviors. Attachment needs that are not met can alter how a person develops emotional regulation.

EFIT allows the exploration of emotional awareness and how to express this emotion in a positive way. If not expressed, negative patterns of interactions within ourselves and between others become visible. One main goal of EFIT is to change this cycle of interactions, making sense of difficult emotions and experiences, ordering these events, and exploring them, which brings about stabilization and a significant decrease in distress. 

The Shift

Secure bonds are built and nurtured through continuous work on the expression of the underlying emotion. In session, the therapist becomes a safe place to navigate experiences, resulting in a secure attachment style for the client. Emotional challenges are discussed and deepened in a way that identifies and opens emotional blocks. Identifying the emotional triggers tied to the past or negative experiences, opens a window of opportunity.

What is my unmet need here? How can I communicate this unmet need? For example, shutting down during a disagreement may be identified as an unmet need of feelings of inferiority. Maybe you feel as if your voice does not matter to someone? The underlying emotion can often be lost when trying to express feelings. The cycle of negative thoughts are addressed and the view of self begins to shift in a positive direction through vulnerability. These new learned patterns create connections and reframes the belief in relation to attachment. 

The Missing Piece

Sue Johnson saw a missing piece. There was a need to go deeper into the unknown. What causes someone to be stuck in this cycle? Vulnerability is difficult but necessary for emotional change, increasing one’s ability to emotionally regulate, and decreasing negative thinking. The overall goal is to find your rhythmic dance again. As the old African Proverb says, “When the beat of the drum changes, the dancers must also change.” 

If you feel that you want to find your rhythm again, reach out to us to learn more about Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy.

Citation: Johnson, S. (2013). Love sense: The revolutionary new science of romantic relationships. Little, Brown and Company.